It's been over a month since my Grandma's passing. We are still coping with the loss, but things are getting better. Yesterday, I visited her grave for the first time since the burial 3 weeks ago. I think I finally have the closure I was looking for.
It's been an interesting time for reflecting on my own life. To a certain extent, I've re-evaluated my priorities, relationships, and how I spend my energy. I've found that I can no longer expend effort maintaining relationships with certain people. For some, it is clear that I place a higher value on our relationship than they do. Given the extent of time I've known these people, it's been a tough pill to swallow.
Brian and I have also been planning for our final arrangements. It's a somewhat unpleasant, morbid topic to some, but after living through planning the final arrangements for my Grandma, I see the value in taking care of these things now.
To elaborate on what I mean, my Grandma bought a funeral plan for herself back in 1996 for just over $2,000. The exact same plan today would have cost my Grandpa nearly $10,000! That's probably $10,000 more than Grandpa would have been able to fork over. Yikes. Thank God Grandma had the foresight to plan ahead.
We sat down with Bernie
Matsumura, a Family Service Counselor with the
Mililani Memorial Park & Mortuary, to finalize the arrangements for Grandma's burial. Bernie really educated us on the ever-rising costs of final arrangements. I could see, first-hand, how much of a blessing planning ahead had been for Mom and Grandpa.
As a result, Brian and I (and my mom, too) have purchased funeral and burial plans for ourselves. I was shocked at how reasonable the monthly payments will be. We got a discount since we are still young. I'm glad that my survivors won't be burdened with the cost and decision-making associated with planning a funeral at such an emotionally-charged time.
We have also purchased 2 plots from a private seller. We were able to get both for about the same price we'd pay for 1 today if we had bought directly from the cemetery. And come to find out, the plots are just steps away from where most of the
Kikuchis are buried, 1 row above where some of our Filipino relatives are buried, and across the road from where my Grandma and Great-Grandparents are buried. I think it was a sign.
I'm trying desperately to get my dad to start thinking about his final arrangements. Although he's a veteran, he doesn't realize that his only benefit is a burial at either Punchbowl or the Hawaii State Veterans Cemetery. He would still need to pay for a funeral plan for cremation, staff services, and the actual memorial service. At today's rates, the most basic funeral plan at
Mililani Memorial is about $4500. I can't imagine how much that will be in the next 10-20 years.
To be quite honest, I would like my dad to be buried at
Mililani with the rest of us. It will also make visiting much easier. As such, I'm thinking of convincing him to buy an urn plot, which is much small and cheaper than a full-sized plot. Bernie did some research for me yesterday and there is actually 1 urn plot available
right next to his parents'
gravesite. Yet another sign. The urn plot would cost my dad just $9/month.
I tried bringing up the subject of a funeral plan with him once already. He wasn't very open to the idea. He's the type that doesn't like to plan ahead. He keeps telling me there will be money in his IRA for me to pay for all this stuff when he passes. How does he know? How does he know it will be enough? I'm thinking Brian and I will have to pay some money, up front, out of our own pockets and then get reimbursed later. Most times, things like IRAs need to see the death certificate before they release funds and when they do release the funds, they are taxed. The difficult part is that
Mililani's prices will be going up on September 14
th so there is somewhat of a sense of urgency here. I'll keep working on him and keep you posted.
I have more things to update you all on: our upcoming trip to
Las Vegas and my new point-and-shoot camera! Stay tuned....
